My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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