I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
