I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
