I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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