I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Best friends brother. Beat that.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
