The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
