I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize