Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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