i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
