I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
