I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
