I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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