we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
