I didn't shave. On purpose
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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