god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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