Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
