i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
