He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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