On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
