the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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