you guys were way drunker than both of me
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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