it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
