I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
