When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
