we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
