Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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