I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
