i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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