Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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