At least make sure they are 18
Why
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
