The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
