She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize