Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
