Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
where am i from again
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
