Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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