yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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