I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
