u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
