It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
