Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize