hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
