Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
