I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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