so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
