When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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