Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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