He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
