Kareoke will never be a sober sport
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
