I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
