My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
how drunk are you?
Several
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
