I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
