She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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