So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
