I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
