I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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