I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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