Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
