I'm so fucking centered right now
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize