True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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