if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
