i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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