Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
