I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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