i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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