i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
