I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
