My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize