Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
