Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
