Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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