Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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