It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
