Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
