I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i was born a porn star she said
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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