i already hear my dad disowning me
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
