Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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