dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
