I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
