I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
