i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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