1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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