Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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